Sharon Driver shares how she copes with the anniversary of a death – her husband’s.
Sharon has harnessed the Scots word, ‘deid’ to create a unique word for the anniversary of a death… a ‘deidiversary.’
We all experience loss in our lifetime – loss of confidence, loss of purpose, loss of self and the ultimate loss of losing someone close to us.
Loss and grief is as individual to each of us as our fingerprints
And we all deal with it differently. But the one thing that many people find to be a small light in the darkness is being able to take some control … to be able to talk about things or to feel something through the numbness.
My husband Ian died almost 11 years ago and my Dad died 6 years ago and I think of them every day … and I love that I do.
I felt all of the losses I mentioned earlier when Ian died and I’ve subsequently watched family and friends walk a similar but different path in their own individual ways.
I mark their ‘deidiversaries’ (my word for it … one that Ian and my Dad would both have found odd at first but then laughed at) by getting together with others who miss them too and we all leave a foot taller for having shared stories and remembered them.
There’s a quote that you may already have heard. I hope it will strike a chord with you too … “When 2 or 3 gather in my name , I am there!”
I’ve found this to be so true … stories bring memories and memories bring quiet reflection and huge smiles !
So what I would say to you is … share stories, listen to the stories of others
Sometimes when I share a funny story of Ian or my Dad, I can still hear them both laugh and equally when I share the more pragmatic advice of taking control in a time of illness and loss, I know they would both be proud of me.
“Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away” … and talking about Ian and hearing stories about him makes me wonderfully breathless.
Just acknowledging that it’s worth pushing through the awkwardness of these types of conversations has helped me recognise that the simplest things make a world of difference not only to me but to others walking a similar but different path in their own individual ways.
Sharon was the volunteer project coordinator for the RSNO concert that launched Absent Friends Week.